Change

If you know me, you know I'm the type of person who is pretty open about everything, yet not one to put it out there on social media when things are going tough. I have been feeling lately though that I am showing my life to be somewhat a lie; always happy, always great. When in reality, its not. Its a real life, full of trials, pain, sadness, and hard times. This has really been laying on me the past month; its been an incredibly hard time figuring out life, and my career choice. For one thing, I absolutely LOVE my job; I feel like I am fulfilling my calling by working as a Special Education Teacher. I love my students; I love the teachers I work with. However, I am coming to realize that teaching is an incredibly emotional job. Maybe I always knew this; but it is really hitting me now that I am in the trenches of this career I chose. When a student breaks down because they cannot understand a concept that the rest of the class does, you carry that with you. When you have people you work with not be the most professional, or be kind, it affects you. I am not ashamed to admit that this week was the first time I broke down and cried at work. I had to. It was all too much with emotion and drama that I do not want to be apart of, but am yet pulled into still. 

My brothers and I were raised to find a way to try to make peoples lives better. To try to change people lives, and help people. This was instilled further through our summer jobs as lifeguards; through working with others to help our community. This is carrying over into my brother choosing to help others through his path to becoming a FireFighter, and my brothers and my path to teach. Its the same with those who nurse; those who are mothers; fathers; really anyone who cares about human kind and tries to make a life better. 

So I am learning, that in times like this in my career, when things are so hard, so emotionally draining that not even a good surf and a glass of wine will fix, that I need to go back to basics and remember why I chose to teach. I know this a time of growing, but darn, its painful. So I hope that if any of my peers are going through a time like this, to go back to basics. To remember why your passion is your passion. And when all else fails, head to the water and pray.